Expect the Unexpected: Part 3-Cultivate Awareness

The BOLD (In the Moment With You)

In Part 1 of this series, we looked at the physical, mindful and self-investment practices that support out choices in the moment between stimulus and response—the only real place where choice is possible.  Last week, in Part 2, we looked at the Clarity Design Cycle™ and the Prospects of Possibility™, the frameworks that help us design clarity so that we know our YES from our no.  This week, we consider the awareness practices that support bringing the work we did in nurturing our resilience and designing our clarity into the moment of choice.  How do we cultivate awareness?

I recently had a run-in with a lack of awareness.  I tripped while getting ready one morning last week and smashed my head and shoulder into a piece of furniture and slammed my knee into the floor.  I’m so grateful it wasn’t worse than it was.  Aside from some lurid bruises, I’m fine.  It had me thinking, though, that my plan to discuss awareness with you this week was quite timely.  Let’s discuss, then, how we can remain connected to the bigger commitments and higher desires of our hearts to accomplish in the moment what will serve our boldest vision. And let’s watch where we put our feet—or maybe that’s just me.

The Whisper

I think we’ve probably all had the experience of doing the work, attending the session, reading the book or designing the system only to have all that learning evaporate.  The stimulus arrives and the old habit asserts itself.  

The divergent thinker Jean-François Noubel talks about our hidden architecture.  He says that we can place a dozen people on a deserted island and ask them to build a new society.  They can be enlightened individuals who have done extensive work and who have developed an elevated vision for how the world can be.  They will, he asserts, replicate the world the way it is.  Why is that?  It is because the hidden architecture of their cultural learning, their family inheritance, their fears and the lessons that fear taught them and the hidden habits they’ve developed will assert themselves and drive them to create not what they want but what they know.  What rides just below our surface that determines how we will respond and what we will create. 

How, then, do we design a new blueprint, construct a new architecture and effect change?  We have discussed some of the necessary components for this. Mindful awareness of how we think gives us a perspective from which change is possible.   Physical practices give us muscle memory.  Designing clarity allows us to determine what is really helpful.  

If we are going to bring all that learning with us into our day to day lives, we need awareness.

There are many ways to support awareness and bring our plans into our actions.  Let’s look at 3: setting intentions, asking affirming questions and building plans and reviewing habits.

Setting Intentions

An intention is the guideline we set for how we want to be, not just what we want to have or to do.  In my (almost) daily practice, I write a series of “May I…” statements that help me to remember the attitude I want to hold, the mood I want to nurture for the day.  

There are a lot of claims about intentions and their ability to create new realities—some grounded in research, some based on experience and conjecture. The aspect of intentions that applies here is the intention’s ability to act as another reminder.  By stating how you want to show up, you are reminding yourself what you decided was important and increasing the likelihood that you will make choices that are in alignment with your higher plans.

I use “May I…” statements because they are gentler than “I will…” and they leave more room for exploration and curiosity.  I will write 3 to 4 of these statements each day after I have checked my calendar and determined the kinds of situations I am likely to encounter.  

Do I have a meeting that is high stakes?  May I remember to breathe and to enjoy the moment when I am presenting my idea.  

Do I have a precious appointment with a friend to go to lunch? May I savor my time with Lulu and may I focus my attention on her and on what helps to show her that I cherish her. 

Do I have a tough, less than desirable task to do?  May I focus on the joy of being mobile and the beauty of the world on the other side of the windshield as I run the 15 errands this afternoon.  

Affirming Questions

We have all seen affirmations.  Perhaps you remember the character Stuart Smalley and his affirmation, “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough and, doggone it, people like me.” The routine was featured on Saturday Night Live in the early 1990’s.  

The idea behind affirmations is that the repetition of ideas we would like to be true will trick our brains into believing they are true. Once the belief is in place, the theory goes, we are free to create the new reality.  

The problem is that our brains are more clever than this theory would suggest.  We may know that what we are speaking is untrue and this sets up a discordant fight between our brain and the idea we’re introducing. 

By asking affirming questions we can enlist our brains help in creating what the affirmation is intended to create. 

For instance, you could repeat, “I am a successful business owner” every morning for weeks.  However, if you do not have a business, you will probably simply become confused.  Your brain can’t find any evidence to support this statement. That is not the desired result.

An affirming question, however, that would begin to bring you closer to the goal would be, “What can I do today to become a successful business owner?”  Or you could ask, “What qualities do I already possess that will help me become a successful business owner?” 

When you make a statement, your brain will run a check to see what evidence can support that statement.  When you ask a question, you engage your brain to creatively think about the how rather than the what.  

The answers to these questions can help you to create awareness that will serve you as you make choices.

Plan and Review

Habits of review and planning help us stay aware of our goals, our intentions, and our desired outcomes.  The question is how much review and planning and in what form?

There are several practices that can support this:

• Morning rituals—a morning ritual can be lengthy and detailed or short and sweet.  The idea is to do as much as is necessary to set yourself up for success, and really no more.  Most mornings, I quickly journal the previous day and review my task manager to make sure I’ve captured any tasks that I completed (don’t you just love checking off a to-do?)  Then I determine what I want from this day.  I write out my three must accomplish tasks for the day, write out my three to four intention statements and jot down my calendar commitments.  I keep my calendar in a digital format, but writing them out each morning only takes a few moments and I find that it helps me remember what I’m planning to do as I move through the day.
• Weekly planning—a once a week time devoted to review and planning is a useful habit that can help us remember our commitments and arrange our efforts.  I do mine on Sunday evenings.
• Quarterly planning—Using a quarterly planning system allows us to set longer-term goals that are tied to manageable three months or fewer time frames. I focus a four day weekend around this. 
• Annual planning—Once a year, it is good to really assess progress and dream big.  

By engaging in the planning and review that makes sense for you, you can increase the likelihood that your goals will be top of mind when the temptation, the offer, or the crisis arrives.  If you take time each morning to re-affirm your commitment to losing weight, it is more likely that you won’t find yourself mindlessly munching on the office birthday party cake.  

Put it All Together

What we do before the moment of choice has a bearing on the choice we will make.  By preparing ourselves, nurturing our resilience and putting practices in place to cultivate awareness, we can take actions that lead us to the outcomes that we determined we want.  How will you use the information in this series to give yourself more space between stimulus and response?

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This is part 3 of a 3 part series on Expecting the Unexpected. To read parts one and two, follow the links below.