The Bold (Any Way You Slice It)
How often have you heard that the only way forward is to eliminate limiting beliefs? I heard a speaker recently who said that we have a war on time.
The problem with declaring war on our behavior, our attitudes and our resources is that, since those things are ours, we will lose that war.
We engage in activities that serve us on some level—or that served us when we learned to take the action in the first place. If we want to create new outcomes, we need to take new actions. Sometimes, we need to thank the old to make room for the new.
The Whisper (Too Many Cooks)
Once upon a time, a home chef was preparing a dinner ham when his spouse wandered into the kitchen.
She watched as he sliced down, squaring off the end of the roast before cutting in hatches and brushing on the glaze. Finally, she asked, “Why do you always cut the end off the ham?”
He shrugged, “It’s how my mother always did it. But you know, I’m not sure why.”
“Let’s find out.” The spouse pulled out her phone and dialed her Mother-in-Law, only to be told that she didn’t know the practicality behind the slicing either. Together, they added the home chef’s grandmother into their group call.
“Mom,” The Mother in Law asked, “Why do we always cut the end off the ham?”
“You cut then end off a ham when you cook it?” There was a pause and then a peal of laughter. When the chuckles had died down, the chef’s grandmother said, “I always cut then end off the ham because it never fit in my little roasting pan.”
A helpful Parable
I’ve heard this story in a variety of contexts, used to make several different points. My take away, though, is that sometimes we engage in habits that serve a long ago set of conditions. And sometimes, those habits no longer address the current circumstances.
What are the habits that fit your old life that are holding you back now? Are you throwing away perfectly good ham because you think that you must conform to what you were taught or what you learned?
What opportunities for growth are hiding in plain sight, disguised as good habits?
The real trick, though, is to thank those obstacles living in our heads. They served us at some point. Perhaps they made us safer or they were the most convenient method for dealing with a past situation. More than likely, they were the best tool we had at the time.
A Dose of Self-Compassion
So often I hear clients beating themselves up for doing something foolish or for letting a pattern of thought and behavior stand in their way.
Why are you mad at a hammer for failing to flip a hamburger? And why are you mad at yourself for flipping hamburgers with a hammer when you didn’t know that there were spatulas in the world? As Maya Angelou so famously said, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”
Did you identify a thought and behavior pattern that could use a makeover, a modern update? Try thanking it for its service and then showing it to the retirement home in the back of your mind. You may never be able to completely move it out, but you can assign it a new level of authority.
Pay it the respect it deserves for its past service and then welcome a new habit that is more in tune with your current needs and your future vision.
Leave a Reply