The BOLD (Once Upon a Time)
It is often the third question. First, they will ask, “What do you do?” When that is answered, the next question is usually asked to establish just how you do what you do.
Question three, though, prompts the answer that they wanted in the first place. They ask, “Who are you?” and the stakes for that answer are very high.
It is a social convention to ask the logistics questions first. But we are all scanning for signs of trustworthiness and it is question three that carries the most data for that answer.
That is why the Who Am I question is a critical opportunity. How you answer will build or break trust. So much pressure on a simple story. Make sure you tell it well.
The Whisper (A Moment of Truth…and Trust)
In her book, Presence, Harvard Psychologist Amy Cuddy asserts that we engage in an interesting flip flop when we meet new people.
When we meet someone new, we are scanning for evidence of two things—their competence and their trustworthiness.
Most of us start by demonstrating our competence. We assume that’s what will resonate with people so we talk about our skills, credentials, and experience.
If we even consider what will demonstrate trustworthiness, likability or authenticity, we don’t lead with those stories.
Amy Cuddy says that the opposite is true. We look first for signs that the person can be trusted before we ever consider their abilities and potential usefulness.
This is a habit from way back. If you’re out hunting in the woods and you happen upon a stranger, you want to know if he is going to bonk you on the head and take your stuff before you ever wonder if he can hunt or start a good fire.
Trust is the First of First Things
If trust is so important, how do we signal to others that we are worth getting to know? We do it, like we do so many important jobs, with story.
The Who Am I story has the power to accomplish or destroy several key components of trust.
The Razor’s Edge. In order to trust, we must believe that the person in front of us has a firm grasp of their own strengths and limitations. It is important to demonstrate that we have not only made mistakes (everyone has so this is a given) but that we have grown from those missteps. A trustworthy person is vulnerable enough to admit mistakes and confident because they have overcome.
Skin in the Game. We trust a spokesperson who has a personal connection and commitment to what they are selling. Would you buy a mattress from a person who sleeps on the floor? Our story can show our level of personal connection to the work that we do.
The Earth’s Revolution We trust supporting actors and heroes sometimes make us nervous. We are uncomfortable with the appearance of perfection. Show them that you know that the earth doesn’t revolve around you.
Tell It Well
Consider, then, the stories you tell when you meet new people, when you address your team or when you ask for a contribution (of time, effort or donor dollars). Are you demonstrating trustworthiness or are you trying to dazzle them with your competence?
The right story told the right way can maximize your impact by establishing trust.
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