The BOLD (Carry the One)
While I’m writing this, there are specific world events, news stories, subjects of public discourse and historic actions unfolding. It is easy at a time like this to see the call to action and the need for change. I suggest that there are always choices to be made. There are always opportunities and demands for change. How we make those decisions and how we commit ourselves to action determines the course of our existence, the health of our communities, the quality of our lives, the presence (or absence) of justice—our character and our outcomes.
Always, change has a cost.
There is a calculation we must make when we are confronted with the opportunity or the need to change. The way we manage this calculation–the data we gather and weight we give it–determine our actions. Are you ready to crunch your numbers so you can crush your goals? Are you ready to change the world?
The Whisper (Weigh the Cost-Then Pay It)
I met a man in a bookstore once. We were perusing the business books, side by side in front of the racks (remembers stores, strangers and book racks?). I noticed that his hand lingered over a book entitled, The One Thing. I chuckled and he looked at me.
I quickly explained, “Wouldn’t it be nice if there really was just one thing? Then we wouldn’t need all the rest of these?”
That offhand comment resulted in a two-hour exchange in the store and a conversation in a coffee shop a week later. We had a lot to discuss.
He was, amongst other things, an avid skydiver. I’ve been deeply curious about that pursuit for some time, so I had plenty of questions. I asked him if his inner ear seemed to know he was falling when he was high enough to not have a good visual frame of reference for his fall. He said no. I asked him what his favorite part was. He said it was the feeling of flying.
I asked him what he had to tell himself to propel his body out of the airplane the first time. He told me that he had reached the point where the pain of sitting on the bench and returning to the ground with the plane was far overshadowed by the potential pain of throwing himself out the open doorway. It was too painful not to change.
In order to change, we have to risk discomfort and even pain. We have to find ways to mourn what we are losing as we work to gain. We have to mourn that loss even if the thing we are losing is of dubious value.
The word decision has at its root the Latin word cis, which means both to cut and to kill. Consider words like scissors, incisor and incision. When we decide to change, we are cutting off, killing, one idea, possession or possibility in order to gain another. No wonder we sometimes quake at the prospect of change.
There is a calculation that you run every time you are faced with change. Sometimes you make that calculation consciously. Sometimes, the hidden mechanisms of your sub-conscious run that calculation for you, drawing a conclusion quietly in the background to spare you the unnecessary inconvenience and to keep you safe despite yourself. The sub-conscious can be presumptuous in that way.
It goes something like this:
Perceived pain of change < Perceived benefit of change = No Action
Perceived pain of change > Perceived benefit of change = Action
We run that calculation every time. I can have a brand-new tech toy if I pay the price that is being asked. That would be very beneficial because I enjoy new tech toys and I love the capabilities that they usually bring. However, if I pull these funds out of my budget, I might have to forgo eating this month. The perceived benefit does not outweigh the perceived pain so I leave the toy where I found it.
In order to make change, we must present ourselves with compelling case for change. We may have to amplify the costs and the benefits of the change in order to tip the calculation towards action. We must be prepared to be in pain and to do so we have to believe that the pain is worth it.
Here are some questions to consider as you run your calculation:
What is the potential cost of not making the change and the potential benefit of moving forward? Some of us are motivated towards rewards and some of us are more motivated away from pain. Be sure that you consider both the benefit of making a change and the cost of not making it. This can help but build the case for making the change and provide more evidence that the risk is worthwhile.
Is the pain real? Is it likely? Am I judging the intensity correctly? It might not cost as much as you think to make your change. What are the real likely consequences of standing on a stage delivering your message? Will the discomfort of sacrificing time watching Netflix be as unpleasant as you are anticipating, particularly if the replacement activity is engaging and fulfilling?
What am I willing to endure as I invest? It might cost inconvenience, sacrifice, fear, uncertainty, potential embarrassment. In the end, your carefully considered calculation will provide a possible cost for the change you would like to make. Are you prepared to pay that cost? Will you wake up an hour earlier consistently? Will you attend the Toastmasters meeting, participate in the class, seek out the conversations with aspirational contacts, wrestle with words to write the book? It can be very freeing to see the cost and then decide to pay it.
Gather your data carefully. Run your calculation thoughtfully. Commit fully. Act decisively. Assess the process. Adjust accordingly. Attain needed, desired change.
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