The Discomfort Fee: Pay the Toll to Change

The BOLD (Comfortable with Discomfort)

This is the time of year where we focus a great deal on change.  We mark the passage of the year.  We engage in assessment and planning.  We set intentions (even when we tell everyone we’re over that whole New Year’s resolution scam).  

There is one constant about change (other than the fact that change is itself a constant).  Change brings discomfort.  It’s unavoidable.  Even when the balance on the ledger sheet shows a net gain of joy and benefit, there is a discomfort cost.

How do we get comfortable with the discomfort? 

I wish you all the comforts of this time of year—family, observance, traditions (old and new), time off, cozy sweaters—that feed you and build your resilience. 

The Whisper (Take Care)

It has been said that fear of public speaking eclipses fears of death for most people. What is the crux of that fear?  Fear of exposure plays a part.  It can be daunting to face the upturned faces and expectant gazes of an audience full of humans.  Fear of failure is often present as well.  What if my mind goes blank?  

In order to perform on stage, most of us must manage the discomfort of fear.  It may be the flight of fluttery butterflies that take up residence in the stomach.  It might be a light, airy feeling of the head taking flight.  It might be a desert-like dryness in the mouth, a tightening in the throat or a quaking in the knees.  All of these manifestations of fear are uncomfortable.

As speakers speak, though, they often learn to interpret these signs differently.  After a few successful engagements, top of mind, intellectual fear begins to subside and the symptoms begin to be interpreted as excitement.  

“If I feel these symptoms,” the experienced speaker thinks, “I must be preparing to engage in an activity that matters.”  

The Discomfort Fee

The cost for change is discomfort. If you want to change, you must pay the discomfort fee.  Several factors contribute to this reality:

The Ease of the Familiar.  Our brains like to save energy by creating short cuts and protocols.  This is facilitated by routine and familiarity.  When we move into a new situation, break with habit and endeavor to do something different, our brains have to work harder to keep up.  Everything must be processed. 

Fear of the Unknown.  Again, our brains have cataloged and calculated the risk for the known dangers around us.  If we strike out into unknown territory, we have to be vigilant for new dangers.  

Concerns about Risk.  Are we risking embarrassment, criticism, loss of status, or just plain failure?  When we suspect that the risk is just too great or we assess that these negative outcomes are to be avoided at all costs.  

End of the Year Pressure

As New Year’s Eve looms, the pressure mounts to review the year that has passed and to plan for and make promises about the year to come.  It is also the time of year when thousands of New-Year’s-Resolutions-Don’t-Work-So-Try-This articles are written—as if we hadn’t experienced our own highs of expectation and the lows of faded commitment.  

Here are three principles about change to consider as you decide whether or not to answer the call of this time of year and ride the wave of inspiration across the midnight barrier between one year and the other, new goal in hand.  

• Even small changes can add up to big dividends:  Even a whisper, delivered boldly, can change the world.  Consider a small step, perhaps one that you can take daily, that will add up to a big shift in habits or outcomes.  And small changes often bring only small discomfort.  The change is incremental which means that we have time to adjust, to learn and to find our comfort again.
• There is no one ideal calendar date for change.  You can declare your own fresh start any time that your learning has been sufficient to see what’s needed, your resolve has been strengthened and your path is set for success.  I have a personal anniversary each year in March on a date that is significant only to me and I tie goals to that date.  If the pressure is too much, ease some of that discomfort by picking a date for change that increases your chances of success.  
• All Change brings at least a little discomfort: Self-investment and nurture become even more critical as we strike out into unfamiliar territory.  Consider what nurturing habits or self-renewing experiences will help you to maintain your resilience and weather the discomfort of the change(s) you’ve selected.  

I’d love to hear about your plans—for change, for growth, for self-investment, and for nurture.