The BOLD (Alone)
Isolation is showing up differently than I thought it would. Most days, I’m online with clients and on the phone with friends. I go to the park three times a week to work out with my trainer and a few friends. I do what I do and most of it is pretty similar to what I used to do.
And then the internet went out.
On Monday, the construction workers at the entrance to our neighborhood clipped something they shouldn’t have and our electronic tether to the rest of the world was severed. Of course, I had plenty of useful and entertaining activities in which I could engage. It was a moment of vulnerability made visible.
It also had me thinking about thinking. I’ve actually gone through a rough patch this last week. We all have them. They feel permanent when they are happening, and they are a tailored, personal torture. I had convinced myself of some very disabling ideas.
What I realized is that we are vulnerable right now not because of the things that we know are missing but because of the things that we don’t. I have been social and engaged with clients, friends, my coach, family. What I haven’t had is the thousand accidental appointments that happen at the store, at networking events, out and about. This means I’m curating my experience more tightly that I usually do. Because of that, I am in danger of believing everything I’m telling myself.
How do we interrupt the bounce of echoed thoughts in our heads? We must actively seek perspective.
The Whisper (Alone Together)
Often, we are given multiple pieces of advice that ride in direct opposition to each other.
The road to you know where is paved with good intentions, yet it is the thought that counts. He who hesitates is lost and at the same time discretion is the better part of valor. Do unto others because no good deed goes unpunished.
Obviously, the truth lies on the slim little balancing point between these ideas. Danger lies in riding too far to one side or the other. Every beneficial element of light has a shadow.
We know that self-confidence is an appealing, necessary ingredient for success. Pearls of advice tell us to think for ourselves, to disregard the negative messages from others, to free ourselves from other’s imposed expectations. This is important advice. We must be able to stand on the strength of our own convictions and make the decisions that lead us where we believe we are supposed to go.
The shadow of this, however, is that when we seek only our own counsel, we lack perspective.
It is wise to temper self-confidence with reliable advice. If we do not our own thoughts bounce around like echoes in our heads and it becomes difficult to refute dangerous or self-destructive thoughts.
A idea is most powerful when it is balanced on the pivot point of the foundation of self-confidence and the perspective shift of input from others. We are not at our strongest when we ignore feedback, input and suggestions. We are at our strongest when we are strong enough to take input, consider it, implement what is valuable and leave the rest.
How are you inviting perspective into your decision making? Consider these sources:
- Friend: Which of your friends provide measured, constructive, healthy feedback? Who in your circle of acquaintance tends to see things differently and is able to illuminate what you can’t see?
- Group: Do you engage in a mastermind group? Participation in Toastmasters can help you hone your concepts.
- Coach: Do you avail yourself of the powerful tool of coaching? Working in partnership with a coach, you can shift your perspective and uncover possibilities that are hiding in plain sight.
The first lie that insufficiency tells us is that we have to do it all alone. The truth is that we are strong because we are in community. When we leverage that community to strengthen our thinking and expand our perspective, we are stronger still.
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