The Give and Get Way to Nurture

The BOLD (A Two Way Street)

In order to move forward with your plans for improvement, you must develop a strong understanding of what is deeply nurturing for you. You must Tolerate Nothing but Nurture. This week, as we investigate this Prospect of Possiblity™ key, we look at a two way street to nurture–expressing gratitude.  By nurturing someone else, we can nurture our higher selves as well.

The Whisper (Let Them Know)

In May, I was privileged to attend a training hosted by the Virginia Chapter of the National Speakers Association and delivered by Jessica Pettitt.  (For a sample of her excellent work, I recommend this video).  Jessica led us through a process for discerning and refining our commitments.

As part of the training, she charged us with a daunting and wondrous fieldwork assignment.  We were to reach out, by phone or through handwritten letter, and express our gratitude and appreciation to a list of people we had identified who have had and who are continuing to have a profound impact on our lives.  

“This is really important,” she told us, “And I know that you won’t do it.”  

Her probably hard–earned cynicism was jarring. What did she mean, she knew we wouldn’t do it?  She established how valuable the exercise would be.  She helped us frame up the content of our note. 

It makes perfect sense to do the exercise.  In expressing gratitude, we learn that our lives are abundant and full of valuable, thanks worthy assets and experiences.  

Sure enough, a few weeks later I find that I have not completed my fieldwork.  However, despite Jessica’s prediction, I have been working my way through my list and the results have been delightful.  

A week after the homework was given, I attended a presentation delivered by a friend on a difficult, poignant topic.  The next morning, as I drove to an appointment, I found myself thinking about the her masterful presentation and about her incredible skills of delivering a message that can be difficult while supporting her audience.  Remembering my fieldwork assignment, I picked up the phone and had Siri call her so I could express my appreciation and admiration.  

I’m so glad I did. It was a joyous conversation.  She said that it can be tempting to become disheartened sometimes and that my words of encouragement were greatly appreciated.  I hung up the phone feeling elated and inspired.

Over the last few weeks, the focus of the as yet unfulfilled fieldwork has led me to hold several of these enjoyable conversations.  Here is what I have learned about expressing appreciation:

• Gratitude is a two-way gift.  Every time I have taken the time to deliver appreciation and encouragement to someone, I have walked away from the conversation feeling buoyant.  It is fun to make someone else feel good.
• Gratitude teaches what is important.  In order to express appreciation, I have to consider the other person’s contribution and distill the elements of their performance.  I gain clarity about what I value by asking myself, “In what ways was that good?”
• Gratitude is contagious.  I recently received a text message from a friend that was actually intended for someone else.  In the message, she said something very complimentary about me.  I was so happy, it inspired me to call someone else and spread the love.
• Gratitude makes the world seem bigger.  By focusing on the contribution someone else is making to the world, we are opening up our lens and noticing the wonderful things that are happing.  Gratitude fuels joy and abundance.   
• Gratitude is rare.  For some reason, we can feel reluctant to deliver a compliment.  I think this is the reason that Jessica Pettitt was so sure that we wouldn’t finish our fieldwork.  It is precisely because it is rare that it is so valuable.  If compliments were food, most of us would be starving.  Feed someone.
• Gratitude is essential. In order to trust in abundance, we must live in gratitude.  In order to sustain the effort necessary to do the work that we are here to do, we rely on appreciation.  We have the opportunity to fuel someone else’s journey with an expression of appreciation.

We can nurture ourselves with rest, with fuel, with contemplation.  We can nurture ourselves with care, with attention and with time.  We can also nurture ourselves by delivering nurture to others by expressing gratitude.