The BOLD (I Call This Meeting to Order)
This past Sunday, our family gathered around the dining room table and I convened a Household Meeting. Despite wiggling, playing on phones because I was taking too long to take notes and wandering around the room (yes, I saw you, husband mine), we were able to re-negotiate our roles and responsibilities.
The habits that we had were not serving us now. Some had not been serving us for some time. Now, we have a plan in place to make adjustments in order to maintain a clean, tidy, soothing home—free from conflict, unstated expectations, and ire.
At least, that’s the plan.
The Whisper (See You In 10 Minutes)
The New Normal. Are you sick of hearing that yet? Here’s a simple, yet apparently hidden truth: every day is a new normal. Every day, there are new parameters to be considered, new challenges to be met, and new victories to be had. Every day. Not just days of Great Moment. Every day.
The scaffolding inside which our days are constructed is our network of habits. These are the tasks, rituals, processes and systems we put in place to bring some consistency and.
to save energy in order to make room for the creation of bigger, better outcomes.
When our lives are disrupted by change, the scaffolding can become more apparent. We see them because they aren’t possible in the new situation. We see them because they become more hinderance than help. We see them because we are leaning heavily on them.
We ask ourselves, “Do these habits serve me now?”
Perhaps the better question is, “Do these habits serve the future in which I want to live?” Consider the future far and near. After all, 10 minutes from now is the future and the investment of this moment can make that future better as well.
Questions for Change
As you assess your habits and discover the ones you would like to change, consider the following:
- Describe the future you want—in terms of emotions. How do you want to feel? Do your habits support that emotional outcome?
- What is missing? Are you feeling a particular deficit right now? What habit could you cultivate that would deliver that missing outcome? Do you need to make room for exercise, socializing, relaxation, moving on a particular goal, reading, education? What one practice, reminder, or support could you add to facilitate this?
- How could this be easier? Are you being too demanding? How could you ease up on yourself in such a way that your goal goes from impossibly rigid to inspiringly graceful? Would you be this demanding of a friend, a child or a co-worker? If your expectations were this high for them, would you be encouraging them or setting them up for frustration? How could you be kinder to yourself?
- What one thing could you do, right now, to build a better future? How can you make it more likely that this thing will happen again at regular, helpful intervals? In other words, what habit would be most beneficial to build?
- Who can help you? You might need a pep talk, an accountability partner, a coach, or an expert. Who can you enlist to help you build a new habit?
One final thought: Don’t pull everything out of the closet at once.
It is tempting to overhaul our whole life. I was given very good advice years ago. When you are organizing a room, don’t pull everything out. Do one drawer, one shelf, one corner at a time. Don’t pull out more than you can put back in an hour.
This applies beautifully to habit renovation as well. If you poke at all the habits at once, you undermine the ability of the scaffolding to stand and support. Pick one habit and work there. When that is holding its own weight, select another. Apply creativity and Be judicious in your selection and apply playful creativity to the challenge. And As always, be overwhelmingly kind to yourself.
I’ll see you in the future–in 10 minutes and, good Lord willing and the creek don’t rise, in 10 years.
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