The BOLD (Ready to Listen)
The sounds are deafening. The voices are elevated and angry and despairing. The analysis is dizzying in its breadth and opinion. We kick into protection mode. We must determine the actions that we are going to take (or not take) and our brain is prioritizing safety. We return to what we know, settle into our convictions and begin to process from our place of knowing to make sense of the great unknown.
There is danger in a single narrative. Real safety comes from learning to listen because it broadens the base of data from which we make our decisions and deepens our connections with the people with whom we will share our future.
Real listening comes from a foundation of strength, from the conviction that another person’s perspective and story of experience will not erode our values or leach meaning from our lives. Real listening comes from a place of courage and strength. Are you courageous enough to believe that you have to strength to risk being changed?
The Whisper (Open to Change)
What would it cost me to listen? That is a question I’ve been asking myself since I embarked on my coaching journey. Perhaps, I started asking that question before I decided to answer the call of coaching. The list of costs is compelling.
In order to listen, I must put the focus on another person.
I live in here with me all day and I am my own priority because that’s how familiarity and perspective work. In order to truly listen, I must shift from my natural focus on myself and invest myself in someone else. That seems difficult.
Important Perspective Shift: We are stronger in community than we can ever be alone and the investment that you make in others is essential.
In order to listen, I might have to encounter difficult, uncomfortable, confusing information.
If I am going to open myself up to another person’s story, conclusion and opinion, I might be confronted with ideas that challenge my own, data that contradicts what I believe and information that I don’t currently have the capacity to process. I may have to feel frustrated, confused, uncertain, and antsy.
Important Perspective Shift: A belief that has never been tested with challenges and a broad look at available data is dangerous and fragile. A grounded assessment is much stronger than a baseless one. It is dangerous to use a knife that has never been tempered with heat and quenched with cool liquid.
In order to listen, I must risk not being heard.
I believe that once our basic biological needs are met, our next highest need is for significance. We recognize different evidence of this. Being heard is at the top of many people’s list. I know that I am being respected and recognized for my value and contribution when I fell that I have been heard. If I’m focused on your words, there might not be room for my words.
Important Perspective Shift: Perhaps your grandmother or some other trusted elder reminded you of this startling fact—you have two ears and one mouth. It is safer, wiser, and more beneficial to align your interactions with that ratio.
In order to listen, I must have the courage to risk being changed.
Our bias protects us, or at least our brains operate from the assumption that they do. When we are faced with unknown, our brains scramble to take any available information and compare it to the library of experiences, lessons, beliefs, and knowledge we carry in our memory.
Important Perspective Shift: You are stronger than you know and your courage can carry you through difficult, uncomfortable experiences when you are acting in service of growth and contribution. Risk being changed so that you can become a wiser, more refined contributor in the world.
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