The BOLD (Waste Not)
Fear is a potent emotional experience. But what is fear? It may seem straightforward. After all, we all experience it. We know what induces us to feel it. There is a good bit of debate in scientific circles about the nature, cause, and use of fear. This Scientific American article dissects this debate with stunning detail.
Like any emotion, it arrives with wisdom to impart. Fear arises when there is a threat that needs to be addressed. There is the fear we feel in a haunted house—sharp fission of icy shivers from a jump scare. Then there are the fears that arise from more distant, slower-moving threats.
Will I be successful? Will I have enough? Am I enough?
I argue that there is only one of these more global fears that is worth entertaining—the fear of regret. All of the other things that deplete our sleep, nag our minds and haunt our thoughts lose power if we choose to invest in only that one fear.
Will I be successful? This only matters if success is impact and you are concerned that you won’t have the positive impact you are capable of delivering.
Will I have enough? This only matters when considering the resources necessary to execute on your contribution.
Am I enough? That isn’t even a consideration when you are focused on allocating all that you are and all that you have to service.
Fear of regret is the noble fear.
For, of all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these, “It might have been.”
John Greenleaf Whittier, from the poem, Maude Muller
The Whisper (Fear Not)
Lesson one of most marketing courses is how to hammer pain points. Find out what a person fears, what they worry about, their pain. Then make sure that you grind into it to motivate them to act.
We are a consumer society that has been trained to respond to sticks well before we ever notice a carrot. To be fair, perhaps our consumer juggernaut is only utilizing a preference that is hard-wired into us. The berries are nice and all, but you won’t be able to enjoy them if the saber tooth tiger eats you first.
So, if I’m not sticky, stinky and unloved, you can’t sell me your products. That means you, purveyor of product, must convince me that I am wretched, unloved and hopeless so that you can sell me your gizmo, service or membership.
This particular framework, however, has some serious implications. As a coach, I have never been comfortable with the idea of tearing down potential clients and then trying to build them back up. In the coaching room, you have to come with you’re A-game, just as I do. And the partnership requires trust. If I’ve decimated your sense of yourself and I’ve been the town crier of all your faults, why in the world would you trust me?
I realized recently that there is one fear that my favorite clients all share—the only fear that they seem to entertain. It is not a sharp, jump-scare kind of fear. No, it is a fear that appears to whisper in the ear at moments of uncertainty.
Fear of regret.
It is the fear that you will leave something undone. It is the fear that you will hold back something important and damage your positive impact. It is the fear that you will not see clearly enough to cast vision for a team that needs to move forward. Ultimately, it is the fear of not utilizing all of your potential.
This is the noble fear. It acts as a reminder that what we do matters.
It drives us to learn, to grow, to nurture our gifts.
It drives us to look for opportunities, do the hard work of catalyzing ideas into outcomes.
It is why it is so critical to design clarity—to systematically move from provocation to pursuit along a path that distills the idea into a vision that ignites other people as well.
Unlike so many of the fears that marketing instills and encourages, it is a fear worth entertaining. When we are driven by a reminder that we have work to do, a mission to fulfill and a legacy to construct, we don’t have energy left to worry about other, lesser fears.
When another fear shows up, thank it for its contribution. Acknowledge its cause and check in to see what needs to be addressed. Then point it toward your bigger vision and send it on its way.
You do not have time for lesser fears because you are busy banishing future regret.
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