The Vigilance Paradox: What are You Inviting?

The BOLD (Tamp it Down)

Do you feel that you are in control?  The answer to that question probably has a direct and often profound effect on your behavior, your experience, and your outcomes.  The more out of control we feel, the more likely we are to try to assert control.  Not all methods for doing this are healthy, helpful, or sustainable.

I am prone to hyper-vigilance.  If I am not careful, I tend to try to control my world by being ready for adversity at a moment’s notice.  Somewhere along the way, I developed a belief that, while everything will be fine in the long run, everything that can go wrong in the near distance will go horribly wrong.  That belief comes with the corollary notion that I must control the details to be safe.  That is a complete belief that will install itself as an operating system, a default world view.  

It is not the belief that I prefer to have.  It is not how I want to run my life.

What, then, is the preferred operating system?  Let’s discuss the vigilance paradox.

The Whisper (Light it Up)

If you have experienced a failure, a setback, an obstacle, or a disappointment, your system has installed new learning.  Our brains are designed to keep us safe, so they accumulate data to use for future decisions.  When bad things happen, our brains scramble to create new ways to avoid those bad things in the future.

We become vigilant, scanning for any sign that an old danger is looming again.  We find ways to exert control in order to eliminate danger.  The problem is that our brains aren’t always good at collecting the right data or drawing the right conclusions.

For instance, let’s say that you have landed an exciting new job.  You want to demonstrate that you are worthy of the role into which you have been placed, so you pipe up at your first meeting and offer an opinion.  

The room grows quiet.  Your co-workers stare at you blankly and then swing their gaze back to the boss, spectators to an unfolding drama.  The boss clears her throat, glares at you for a moment and then dryly comments, “Interesting.”  

You are sure that you have mis-stepped.  The judgement in your co-worker’s eyes is clear.  The censure of your boss is obvious.  Why did you do it?  You won’t make that mistake again.

Unfortunately, you read the situation wrong.  Your co-workers hadn’t been informed that you were going to be in the meeting and most of them hadn’t met you yet.  They were simply surprised to hear a new voice in the room.  Three of them were curious.  Two of them were taking a moment to mull over your idea.  Four of them were thrilled with the thought and had turned back to the boss to smile their encouragement (you couldn’t see their faces from where you were sitting.). 

For your new boss, deeming an idea interesting is the highest of praise.  How were you to know that?  

When we spend our energy planning for adversity, we are actually inviting it.  By determining that you are not going to speak up in a meeting again, you are protecting yourself from the very behavior you were hired to exhibit.  How long will you last in this new role if you fail to contribute?

It may seem responsible to prepare for contingencies.  It is.  However, when the planning takes on a deeper vigilance, a deeper need to control all the variables to ensure safety, we are trapping ourselves in the vigilance paradox.  The more we prepare for problems, the more we invite them in.

At its foundation, hyper-vigilance is a form of self-doubt.  We do not trust that we have the strength, resources, intelligence or resilience to withstand a challenge.  

What, then, is the antidote to the vigilance paradox?  Consider the following questions:

What else might be going on?  Before you lock in your conclusions and teach yourself, consider what else might be true.  By being open and flexible in your conclusions, you invite your brain to consider a wider range of possible lessons and escape a quick rush to judgment.

What is the worst that can happen? Oh, yeah?  How likely is that?  What is the worst that will probably happen?  What if the best happens?  What would the best look like?  How can I ensure the best?  By shifting our thinking from negative fantasy to positive vision, we can allocate our energy to an offensive maneuver pointed toward what we want rather than a defensive maneuver to protect what we have.

In what ways am I strong enough to deal with what may come?  Take an inventory.  What are your skills?  How are you strong and resilient?  How have you dealt with the unexpected in the past?  Who in your life supports you?  Create a list of the ways in which you know you can trust yourself to rise to adversity when it comes.

I’m not advocating that we pretend that trouble won’t come.  I’m not oblivious to the challenges of uncertainty and adversity.  What I’m working on for myself is a stance of expectation not vigilance.  I am taking reasonable precaution, building in back-ups for likely needs and then exercising my optimism to leave the expectation of disaster out of the equation to minimize what I’m inviting in.  The only bridges I want to build are between people and into desirable futures.